Church Plant Chat

Revitalisation Review: Relational Discipleship

• Paul Pavlou • Season 5 • Episode 52

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Episode 5: Relational Discipleship


Episode Summary
In this episode, we examine the importance of relational discipleship in revitalisation. Rather than just systems or strategies, it’s relationships that provide the bridge from outreach to transformation.


Key Topics Covered

·       The difference between relational and transactional discipleship

·       Why strategy without relationship falls short

·       Lessons from delayed transformation stories

·       The power of proximity and patience

·       Interruptions as sacred opportunities


Reflection Questions

·       Where do relationships sit in your current discipleship strategy?

·       Are you prepared for the slow burn of trust-building?

·       What sacred interruptions might God be using in your context?

·       Who in your church needs new investment in relationship?

·       How is your posture modelling the relational way of Jesus?


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Email: churchplantchat@gmail.com

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Speaker 1:

Last time, on Church Plant Chat, we looked at the importance of having a ministry of the one. Today, I want to build on that by taking a look into something many of us likely already know in fact you definitely know which is the importance of relational discipleship. So, episode 5, relational discipleship. Let's get into it. What is relational discipleship? Let's get into it. What is relational discipleship really about? Leading on from the last episode where we spoke about the ministry of the one, I wanted to follow up with the importance of relational discipleship. Relational discipleship involves forming relationships that help us and others grow to be more like Jesus. Us and others grow to be more like Jesus. How does relational discipleship shape outreach strategy? This, as you will likely know, focuses on making disciples through mentoring, peer support and discipling others, emphasising genuine connections rather than impersonal methods or programmes. Connections rather than impersonal methods or programs, and it pains me to say it, but over the years I have at times caught myself treating people as tasks rather than relational beings. It's been through witnessing many of my team's rich interpersonal skills with others that I've learned from them the importance of relationship Relationship, especially in a revitalization project, where you're ministering to those you've inherited, people that have come with you and those you are now trying to reach together is essential. So creating that culture of belonging and safety for invitation is rooted in those healthy relationships. Take inviting someone to Alpha, for example. Whilst we get some cold call attendees, I found that more often people's confidence to step into an Alpha Course environment or a deeper one-to-one faith conversation is birthed out of the relational investment that we've poured into them, and then that relationship builds within a space such as Alpha. It could be anything, though.

Speaker 1:

So what bridges the gaps between our outreach events? Well, well, in fact, it's why we as a church moved away from doing lots of big community events over to messy church, which many of you will know of. It's been around for years, and we consistently pepper in light touch missional output which both blesses the community and opens opportunities for regular conversation and relational touch points, and it automatically forms this kind of discipleship pathway, and we do that so that we can prime people for invitation to the next step of their discipleship. They have a relational base to work from, which means when they get to something like Alpha, there is already a level of trust to work from In between Messy Church and other Sunday services and Alpha, we do pepper in light touch missional work, which actually forms the opportunities for conversations, and the theme throughout all of those is the relational discipleship that takes place in the pathway that is formed as a result. You know, that's what bridges all the missional stepping stones that we plot in the year. Without that, the gap between each of those stepping stones becomes too big a leap, for both the invitee and the inviter. What about those already inside the church? And how do proximity and patience build trust? Relational discipleship needs to be at the heart of the strategy. Essentially, strategy without relational discipleship is a waste of time. It's not just those outside of the church that we consider in this, of course.

Speaker 1:

A learning point for me within our revitalization project is that those who already made up the church we inherited needed relational investment too. They too needed a fresh wave of discipleship and care. A new fire lit to bring them into the church's next season. The revitalisation wasn't just for those outside of the church walls, but also those from within, whether it's the flock that have been invited or the flock that's been inherited. Both will require us to have built close relationships with them. For alpha groups or one-to-one visits or small groups to run well. We need to be curious about the person in front of us and to cultivate a vulnerability that allows them to be curious about us and our faith that we're sharing.

Speaker 1:

Something that surprised me in our church revitalisation plant is that most of the people on our first Alpha course were people we'd inherited when we took on the church and through the relationship and curiosity invested in them they felt safe enough to step out and come and explore their faith afresh. Enough to step out and come and explore their faith afresh. But they needed to know it was okay for them, as the Christian who'd already been going to church for years, to come along and to not feel worried or scared about that. And so we actually waited 15 months before running our first Alpha because we realised we had to build a strong enough relational scaffold before we could invite people to those spaces. And for all the people who came to that first Alpha, their faith has come alive again and they now have the confidence and the faith levels to join in with things at church. One person comes to mind, someone who, when I arrived, was very timid and wouldn't come to anything other than the normal Sunday service, but we built relationship with her over the months, encouraged her to come to our Bible journaling group that we run and then from there she got the confidence to come to Alpha and now from Alpha she's one of the Mercy Church team, regularly embedded into the Bible journaling group, and found a way and found a new joy in both her faith and in the life of the church. And it's been through providing those small, safe settings where deeper relationship building can take place, which has provided the environment for that discipleship to be cultivated further.

Speaker 1:

But that level of relationship takes patience Like I said, we waited 15 months before launching Alpha and it also takes proximity, ie getting close to people, getting close to the flock, so close that they can see the authentic us for who we are in Christ Jesus. And it means trying to show a real integrity through our patience with them as we walk alongside them. You know someone is serious about your discipleship when you recognise how patient they've been with you on your journey. I'm sure you can picture someone. When people see that we are serious about them, I think they're far more likely to tip into those deeper discipleship settings. For healthy discipleship to take place we need a proximity and patience that take us up close and personal with the one in front of us.

Speaker 1:

What if the interruptions are actually the ministry? Because Jesus made this whole thing personal when he came down to meet us face to face. His personal act of vulnerability and curiosity in humanity is what has persuaded us into relationship with him. So it makes sense that we reflect that back to those who are curious about him. Reflecting Jesus's image is the most relational strategy we can have. That example I've given is a longer term strategy, if you like, around encouraging somebody to build upon one discipleship opportunity to the next in order to become more embedded and getting to know the church and Jesus more. But the other short-term strategy around this relational discipleship that I want to kind of land on is the strategy in inverted commas of embracing individual interruptions.

Speaker 1:

Interruptions. It's so easy to get bound up with plans and finances and PCC meetings etc. That we can end up treating people as interruptions to our work, when actually to pastor those people is the work. Two quick examples these aren't people's real names. So, maggie, I was at church working on my laptop. A woman comes in troubled and disorientated, clearly needing time not something that I had, as I was doing something on the laptop, right? So again I'm being interrupted here. So I sit and I have a cup of tea with her and she talks for about an hour and then she says she has to leave. I think I prayed with her, although I can't quite remember. It was raining at the time so I gave her an umbrella to take away for some reason we have tons of umbrellas stored at church and then about 15 minutes later another woman calls on the church phone. Turns out it's this lady's daughter. The mum sadly has early signs of dementia, had run away from home and the daughter thinks she might have come by, which she had. And I explained where she said she was going and the daughter went to find her. Anyway, I think nothing of it, other than you know selfishly, I've lost an hour of my work time. A year later, a woman comes to church saying that she felt God tell her to come to our church that morning and that she is the daughter that called me to look for her mum. And she comes to church that morning saying thank you for the time I gave her and the umbrella and that she wanted to start coming along to church more regularly.

Speaker 1:

Again, somebody entering the space, not necessarily out of a charted missional output or strategy or plan or anything like that, but simply out of simply embracing the interruption. Real name, a guy called Kevin. I was driving home from a retreat, feeling nice and relaxed, and I get a call from my curate. There's a troubled man who's turned up at church and we thought it best, probably for both of us to see him. So, interrupted from my state of rest and peace from retreat, I detour to church rather than finishing it at home relaxing.

Speaker 1:

I get to church, I sit down with the guy, with my curate there as well, and for about 45 minutes he pours out about childhood traumas and drug and alcohol abuse and dabbling with the occult and health issues and broken relationships. I mean it's really sad, kind of heavy stuff and at the end of it I don't think I'd really said anything during that time. But at the end of it, all he asks me is one question and he says so, what do you think? And I simply replied I think you need Jesus. And to which he just said OK, and so, with my curate, you know, we led him to the Lord there and then, and you know, for about three months, he came to church and I met up with him, one to one, to read the Bible. I showed him how to read the Bible, I showed him how to pray, gave him a couple of books, gave him a Bible. We watched a couple of Alpha episodes together and just did some of that basic stuff with him.

Speaker 1:

That was somebody entering a safe relational space, not necessarily out of a planned missional thing or another strategy or you know another pathway or you know another program. It was just small, simple acts of embracing an interruption which otherwise would have felt like an inconvenience. So what do both of these you know kind of long term, planned but also spontaneous discipleship moments actually require? Well, all of that's to say that the principles of relational discipleship through patience and proximity remain the same, whether it's in a planned way throughout the year or an on the spot interruption way throughout the year or an on-the-spot interruption. But the key for those relational connections to be built is being curious about the person that God's put in front of us and that we spend time with them. We have to make it personal. If we can do that, then the other programs that we offer have a much better chance of playing their part if we keep pursuing the ministry of the one, ie consistent, one-to-one discipleship. It's often slow and it's often painful, but that seems to be it. How do we become more intentional about that relational discipleship? Keep contextualising what those spaces look like, depending on your flock. Keep inviting people to things, because all those things that you do invite them to will help foster the relational discipleship needed to continue people's journey of faith. The relational discipleship needed to continue people's journey of faith. Consider what the small steps in between each of your big events might be that create these stepping stones of discipleship. Don't allow yourself to be weighed down by the pace of which they get there. Just embrace it being slow and then, wherever you can, make it personal, and as you do that, the levels of trust will continue to build layer at a time.

Speaker 1:

So, as we wrap up this episode, here are some questions to consider around relational discipleship. Many people will have far more to say on this. Chris Rogers has some brilliant literature on it, and so do many more people. This is just, really just a small, little mustard seed that I can offer from some of the things I've learned. But a few questions to end with Number one.

Speaker 1:

How are you tending to your inherited flock and your invited flock? What do you need to do differently in those discipleship pathways for both groups of people? And also, how can you bring those two together in their discipleship rather than creating a separation, and at times I've kind of messed that up as well. Number two what's your proximity to your flock? Is there anything keeping you distant or aloof that you need to address internally? Number three do you, like me, need to repent of sometimes seeing people as tasks or interruptions? Number four are you making room for interruptions? Are you making room for God to interrupt you on a personal level during the day, to just stop what you're doing in the moment and just to worship?

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening. If you didn't know already, there's an Instagram account for this podcast, at churchplantchat. You can keep up to date with all things happening on the channel and planting, but also you can DM me to chat, pray, ask questions. Also, you can contact me on email at churchplantchat, at gmailcom. There are show notes in the description just to help overview this episode and to take away with you. I'd love to connect with you. I'd love to hear where you're listening from, what your planting looks like in your neck of the woods. Please don't hesitate to get in touch. Essentially, I'm here for you and will try to be as helpful as I can. Thank you for listening. See you next time.